Bringing home a new baby is both exciting and stressful. You are sleep deprived, newly postpartum, and aching from labor and delivery. Now that you are home, you and your partner have to navigate how to take care of your newborn together. This period is usually described as the “roommate” period. You and your partner are just trying to survive day by day. You can end up missing each other and your relationship during this time as you try to reconnect postpartum.
Here are some ways you can reconnect with your partner postpartum.
Curious about the postpartum recovery period? Learn more here.
Find One Easy Activity to do Together
You are spending most of your days learning to take care of a newborn which is a very demanding job. By the end of the day, you are exhausted and drained and you can’t possibly think about doing anything else, but something is missing. Quality time with your partner. To remedy this, try to find one easy activity you both can do together. And I mean super easy!
For me and my husband, this activity was rotting on the couch together and finding a TV show to watch together. Every night, once we put our baby down we would sit down together and watch one episode of Succession (this was our show we started together). This was dedicated time that we had together. Many times we just sat quietly and watched the show until baby needed us again. Over time it became our quality time where we could recharge and reconnect with each other postpartum.
Share Encouragement or Appreciation
This one is so easy to do, but can often be overlooked. Offering words of encouragement or appreciation can go a long way when you are in the trenches of parenthood. Take a second to appreciate all your partner has done or is doing for you and your child. Tell them what a great job they are doing! It feels great to have your effort be seen and verbalizing that can make a difference in how you go about the rest of your day. It can also work to bring you closer to your partner and reconnect — if you are paying attention and appreciating each other in this process of trying to reconnect postpartum.
Offer Small Touches (Hugs, holding hands)
Once you’ve had a baby you and your partner often feel more like roommates than anything romantic. You are ships passing in the night just trying to survive those early days. Building back that romantic spark between the two of you may take some time and work to reconnect postpartum.
Start slow. Think hugs and hand holding. If you are already overstimulated with touch from having your baby cuddled up to you or feeding all day, starting small will be most beneficial. A hug that lasts for at least a minute is proven to relieve stress, offer comfort and forge deeper connections.
Schedule a Date Night or Time to be Alone without the Baby
If you can, set aside at least one day a month to have a date night where you have specific alone time with your partner without your child. This date night can be simple, like a trip to the movies or dinner and drinks (maybe even with friends). Setting aside time like this can be tough, but making the effort to do so will benefit your relationship. Having time separate from your child where you can talk and touch base with each other will help to reforge that relationship you had pre-baby. It will also help you reconnect postpartum.
Keep In Mind
This is a huge adjustment period for everyone. You are learning how to be parents and navigate that new identity. The roommate period won’t last forever as long as you make small steps to reconnect with your partner. In time, you will reconnect postpartum.
